Breaking the Silence

I have no idea what God has in store for me.
What I do know is that no matter what it is, I will glorify Him in it.

I am not so sure where my last post left me, and I have a feeling I have left everyone hanging for over a month.  After all the struggles and challenges I faced leading up to the Canadian Nationals, God graciously gifted me with a win (a bow ball) over my competitors in the single.  It is hard to describe the incredulous presence of God through the entire race and how big His hands were when I realized I had won (I did not know for a good while as it was such a close race).  I have never felt so enveloped by prayer, love and support by everyone who had been doing the things above through the weekend and especially during the 8 mins of racing.  Where God's people are He is also (even in prayer across the world).
Recently my bible study group has been talking about the incredible love of God, and boy did I feel it during the weekend.  Not just because he gave me a gift but because of the knowledge that without His mighty power the results would have been different, and to be honest I don't think I would have been rowing again period!  "Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty who was and is and yet to come!"

So what happens next you ask?  Well here is where it gets a bit tough.
The Tuesday after racing things resumed at the center and we were given direction; Olympic selection camp or not.  To make this story a little shorter, I will just say that I was not invited into the Olympic camp and the sculling program has been held back also.  The decision was made based on past performances of the sculling pool and the likelihood based on individual results through the years, that a boat could medal at the Olympics.  It is somewhat of a financial and resource allotment decision also.
It was a hard piece of news to chew, and thanks to answered prayer during my mtg when I started to sense it was not going well, I did not cry, I was able to be level headed, emotionless really and walk away knowing I had actually heard what they were telling me beyond the bad news.

This is why I have not updated this blog.  First it was trying to let the dust settle around the race, and then I just could not write while my mind and heart were in some turmoil.  The rest of the time I cannot say I can account for except, it just was not time.

I think I went through an abbreviated grieving process over the next week of receiving the news.  I was confused, dissapointed, and frustrated at times.  I was sad at one point too but very few tears were shed.  Like I said earlier, I don't know what God's plan is in all of this, and I can honestly say that despite my brief moment of grief I knew God was working all the while.  If our journeys as Christians looked just like everyone else's in this world then how would God be praised?  I think God is giving us an opportunity to journey in Christian lives that resemble the life of Jesus;  a baby born in the lowest of low conditions, raised by two ordinary people, he lead the weak, weary, sick, outcast, sinners and was mocked, beaten and died to give us a better life.  One of joy, and everlasting peace and life with God in heaven. 
I may not be perfect, and I may not have come from the worst of circumstances, but I can tell you that my journey thus far has been anything but easy.  I pray for strength and guidance daily and look for opportunities to lead by God's example in whatever road I head down.

I did fight for my spot in selection by putting in an appeal as did my 2x partner from World Championships.  I felt like I needed to do it for my own sake to get the answers I needed and to find direction.  In the end it did not change the decision but I think I planted a seed, and I know that through it God helped me see a few steps ahead, "I know the plans I have for you...".

There are always blessings in all situations, and one of these were that I was able to leave the center early to spend time with Matt.  I planned to surprise him for Thanksgiving in Colorado as he was to travel back from his T-course in Alabama.  Unfortunately Matt was held up an extra week, but I was able to spend a great holiday with my in-laws and my puppies whom had a blast with Grandma and Grandpa over the last months.  Once Matt returned we headed back to where I am now, our home in Oregon!
I am spending most of my time cross training, as I am working on getting my body fully healed so I don't keep re-injuring my ribs, finally much needed rest!  I actually got on the erg for the first time in months just today, and plan on attempting running when I get my new sneaks!  The bike is great but 2 hrs gets pretty boring sometimes.

Keep praying, God is not done with me yet!  I still feel His hand gently leading me forward with rowing.  I believe in miracles, and I believe that if He wants me at the Olympics for 2012 it will happen, hence why I continue to train hard as when the opportunity arises I want to be ready!
We may not always understand where we are headed but with prayer, time in the Word and time living life with the Creator we can be confident that where we are headed is pretty awesome.

He's not finished with me yet!

Open, Emptied Hands

I hope to make this short but informative for all of my supporters.
As some of you know this weekend has been the Canadian National Championship regatta (NRC) for rowing in my hometown.  This regatta is the race that started this whole blog but one year later.  It is amazing to see how far I have come in just one year.  The Lord does great things for those who wait, and depend on Him (lessons I have learned along the way support this).  This year the NRC regatta as we call it, is even more important as it will be how the coaches and Rowing Canada decide who is invited to the Olympic camps which will further selection for the Olympic team which will be determined by the spring of 2012.  I am pushing for a chance to qualify some sort of sculling boat, but at this stage I need to show my speed as an individual to be considered for anything.
So, Friday I started the weekend off with the Heats.  Now it is important to note that in my race (W1x) there are not only experienced seniors like myself but also newbies as juniors and U23 athletes.  So it is not with any disrespect that I say I breezed through the heat to the quarter finals which happened this morning (Saturday).  Quarters this morning were a bit more challenging especially with increasing cross head winds, but I again was able to row comfortably across the line first.  What I knew would be challenging was the Semi final in which as it turned out, I raced the woman who has been the fastest single sculler in Canada for a while.  She is a great woman but I am determined to show my speed is faster.  With high blustery winds this afternoon I made a call early in the race to row to help protect my body and take control of the winds.  This put me in 2nd place, with a solid foot into the A Final on Sunday morning.

As it has hopefully been abundantly clear in my writing, everything I do is a gift from God, and my hope is that I can give Him even just a piece of what He has blessed me with.  By opening my hands to Him and letting His work take over I have seen great things happen for His kingdom, and I know there are greater things to come.
I have had so much wonderful support from family and friends, Christians and non believers.  God is good and I am so excited to see what tomorrow holds.  That said I am also a little scared.  Probably not something I should admit the night before a race, but my goal is to give it all up for God.  To push past the pain that I know He will be there to support me through.  I believe in what is possible and need to follow that up with courage when things get tough.  I may not go over the line first, or maybe I will (personally I think it would be a big statement if I did) but if I leave my hands open and empty them, God will do more than my mind can fathom. 

What I ask of you all, is to continue to pray, or start praying for courage, strength and that the Lord's will be done tomorrow at 8am.  I encourage you to pray fervently for the 8 mins I am racing (hopefully less), and see what God does.  Your strength in prayer will more certainly translate into my boat tomorrow, and when all is said and done God will have all the glory. 

The Full Armour of God

In the new testament, Ephesians 6:10-20 to be exact, it says to put on the full armour of God, and furthermore to stand firm after having prepared yourself in His armour.  We are up against some pretty nasty things in this world, and the being that orchestrates that evil is intent on attacking any of those who do not fall into the traps.  

The church that I have been attending here has started a series of sermons based on the book Crazy Love, by Francis Chan.  We follow up on what we have read and heard in small groups later in the week.  The idea of the book is that God has given us a crazy awesome gift and what have we offered Him as a result?(although never forget that our salvation or love cannot be bought with deeds).  What I mean is, think about breathing.  By the time you have finished reading this sentence you will have inhaled and exhaled at least once.  Why?  And do you know for sure that you will breathe past my next sentence?  Of course science can explain all the complexities of breathing and I am sure they can come up with the statical analysis of why you are more or less likely to finish reading this blog.  But can they explain the end?  Or the beginning?  So far I have not heard any convincing arguments except for God.  I don't want to stray too far but what I am getting at is, if you believe in God and His power you know that He has given us every breathe, and he can take it away as quick as it came.  Is that not amazing?  The bible tells us He knew us before we were born and knew our whole lives before we had a name yet he CHOSE to give us breath and life despite our major shortcomings.  So why do we not sit in awe of God more often?  Why do we have such a hard time lifting our hands and hearts?  Needless to say Crazy Love is that complete and utter awe and passionate love that makes us want to give our whole lives away to Him, and share that love with others.

I have been getting back on my daily devotions, mainly reading through the bible, but spending time with God, to figure out what He wants of me.  I started to feel really great about how I was getting this time and excited to see what God had in store.  I was working at focusing on my Christian walk than the things I do (row), knowing that my activities are gifts not the goal.  Monday rolled around last week and I was feeling pretty awesome.  Starting to get that fervor for God that I remembered having only a year ago.  I have no desire to be lukewarm in my walk and hence my desire to redirect myself.  But as Tuesday came I started to get rib pain and after a sleepless night following it became clear that my ribs were starting to get irritated enough to warrant some rest.  And as Wednesday bible study came around, I had been fighting a battle that I had no idea I was fighting.  Nearing the end of the night, with the nudging of the loving group they suggested I might have something to say (up to this point I had been pretty quiet).  I had no desire to talk, I knew what was going to come before words.  Nothing was "wrong" persay, I was stressed out, and as I talked I realized how confused I was.  How much I had invested in what God's Will was for me and how I had forgotten that I cannot predict God's path, I may have an idea of the end but the path is His too.  After the group prayed over me (an incredible renewing experience) and I went on my way with the armour of God written out (copied by the group leader who had been studying it with another group) I realized who was at work during the week and it was not just God.  I am always under the impression that things that happen are God's Will, and perhaps that is accurate, but I also think it is just as accurate to say that Satan has his hand in things and God can choose to stand by and let his children be tested or intervene.  I am not sure if I am describing what I mean well enough, but a good example is Job, I really felt like a piece of Job that Wednesday night, I am probably not half of the person that Job was but Satan attacked and God was there the whole time.  My point is that I am onto something big, and every time Christians are seeing the Truth, Satan comes on stronger than ever.  I have felt this.  I know God's plan is still here stronger than what can be thrown at me, but knowing what is at work helps me to continue the fight, fully armoured.

It would be lying to say that I love having to struggle and endure pain etc.  but it does excite me a little bit.  I am being prepared for something, and I am building a relationship that will never fail and if that means a minute bit of suffering I think I can handle it.  Jesus took on a whole world's suffering, how is that for Love. 

The full armour of God is what I now pray each morning.  It is a declaration of my stance and I plea for God's continued grace and mercy for myself and those I come in contact with during my day.  And a request for healing and protection from anyone that might try to take me from Him.  There is peace in the acknowledgement of the body that I prepare for God.

I may put spandex and synthetic fibres over my body for training, but what others do not see is the thick Damascus steel that beautifully protects me from the unseen evil powers in this world.

¹⁰ Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. ¹¹ Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. ¹² For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. ¹³ Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. ¹⁴ Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, ¹⁵ and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. ¹⁶ In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷ Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

 ¹⁸ And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. ¹⁹ Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, ²⁰ for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.

Inspiration vs Laziness

I don't know if it is a lack of inspiration or laziness.. perhaps both, that has created such a long stretch since my last post.  Whatever the reason, it is time to get back to it!
It has been almost 2 months since the end of the World Championships, and it feels like 10.  It goes to show how insignificant these things are in the grand scheme of life.  I think I have forgotten that in the last weeks.  Even my lack of posting on this blog is an example of it, in a backwards way.  I have been so wrapped up in training for the National regatta that is happening in 2 weeks time and what this means for my career that I did not take the time to sit and write to those who support me and in the end will be here for me no matter the result of this race.  In the end I see it as a good indicator that I need to remember the real reason I am here and the real reason I have been given the life I have;  to glorify God and do His work with every breath I have.  I fail to acknowledge this often.  I say acknowledge because I know God has a plan, and I know he will see it through so I do not need to worry, however, I seem to enjoy taking back the reigns when things look good, or when God is sitting back waiting for the next moment to intervene.  I did not realize how much writing this blog is a way for me to connect with God and His people.  So, this is for getting back on track, for going back to where it began both in a walk with God but more so my walk with Him in this athletic journey.

It was a little over a year ago when I stepped out my door in Florida, car packed up with my boat and my little puppies looking at me with knowing sad eyes.  That day I left not even knowing if I would get an entry into the provincial race to qualify for Nationals, but less than a month later, I was sitting at the finish line of Nationals in Victoria speechless.  God had taken the lead in my life the moment I made the decision to row again and sure enough the outcome was all his doing.  Sooo why do I keep trying to do it myself?  Good question. 
Fortunately God has more patience than I could ever fathom and He continues to take me on this journey because I have a passion and for hard to understand reasons, God loves me so much he wants me to have the desires of my heart.
My goal since returning from Worlds has been to stay healthy and to gain strength needed to be the fastest I can be so that when the National regatta comes around I can say I did everything to put myself in a position to continue on here at the center.  Some of you may already know, but the National Regatta (NRC) is an event where all Canadian rowers who want to be considered for the National team (specifically Olympic this year) must compete.  For the female scullers (of which I am a part) this regatta could be the end or continuation of the program.  We must to exceptionally well in order to be considered for the last chance Olympic qualifier and hence my worries lately.  The training has been going well, although I feel slow and have no concept of my relative speed to other athletes.  This has been somewhat of a distraction, one that I now realize is needless;  why should I be worried (#1), and why should I care about the speed of others.  All I should be focused on is myself and my goals.  Beyond even rowing I have been realizing that my goals need to be directed heavenward, and by that I mean, everything I do should be to further God's kingdom.  I know I can enjoy things on the way, but every opportunity that God gives us in life is an opportunity for sharing His love.  I have to remind myself of this every morning.
With these little reminders and epiphanies I know that whatever happens in 2 weeks will be of God's will.  He has done immeasurably great things for me even before I was born, and He promises to be the same forever now and always, so guess what?  He is going to do just as great things each day for me as I walk with Him.

I have started to give prayer requests at the end of each of these posts, and I am going to continue that.  So, if you are the praying type (even if you are not give it a shot!) here are a few requests;
1.  Continued health
2.  Focus, courage, faith and vision in training and the uknown
3.  That my interaction with teammates would be pleasing to God and would lead to some recognition of the God who gives us all that we have.

These are the big ones, but weather, safety etc are all ongoing issues also. 

Well that is it!  Time to hit the weight room! Back on track and headed for success! 

Holding nothing back

There are less than 10 months to the 2012 Olympics and although it is a short amount of time in the grand scheme of life, it is just enough time to do the work that God has so graciously set upon me. 
This week started the first week of training after out World Championship 'tour' and 3 week break.  There is a sense of new life and purpose in all the athletes after having some time to reflect on our victories and failures of the past year not to mention time to put rowing on the back burner for things like enjoying our favourite other activities with friends and or family.  I know for myself I have more motivation and determination to get the job done for 2012. 
Our first week has been challenging but the coaches have tried to ease us back into the work load with success I believe.  I am always amazed at how much I can learn even after 11 years (well minus 3 years off) of doing this.  Within the first hour of returning to the water, I was given new challenges in my technique, which was somewhat of an extension of what I was doing but my body feels like it is doing completely different things.  My muscles are battling with my mind and fortunately my mind is winning and as a result my body is changing to adapt to the alterations in technique.  I feel stronger and faster despite the fact that I have not increased my muscle mass or power output, just simply changed how I apply it.  It takes daily prayer and often a quick chat with God on the water when I get fatigued but He, as always, gives me the strength I need to continue.
By the end of the week everyone was feeling fatigued but I think we all are seeing new things to work on and are enjoying the new challenge with the end goal being getting as many Canadian rowers on the podium as possible.  Saturday brought the cold weather and I finally had to succumb to long tights which turned out to be the wrong choice as the winds were far too strong to get on the water safely so we hit the ergs for a wonderful and painful workout.  As a side note, I say the workout was painful, but in comparison to what we will be doing on the erg through the winter months, it was pretty easy, it is just hard to hop on the erg after several months and face the numbers, not to mention extra lactic acid that seems to settle into the legs.

As we started this new season of training I had a chance to meet with my coach.  It was a time to talk about the past year, the year we had just begun and all the little things between.  But it was in this meeting I asked my coach about nerves.  Specifically what his opinion was or experience as an athlete in the area.  You see, at Worlds I went through the first couple of races with really no nerves at all.  I am not a hugely nervous person in general but I know when I am nervous;  can't eat much, need to pee constantly (too much info? Sorry.), and I get a sleepy feeling.  When I feel like this it usually means I am ready.  For the first few races I did not get any of that, and my concern was and is that it meant I was not ready mentally for what lay ahead of us.  Perhaps I was subconsciously making light of the race or maybe I was overconfident but whatever the case I want(ed) to take care of that so I could avoid it next time.  It was interesting to hear his response.  He told me that it was his opinion that we get nervous because something is at stake.  If we don't have the realization or understanding or even the experience to understand what the stakes are we may not have the same nervous energy.  My first internal response was to get a little defensive, I did not take the races lightly or think we were going to breeze into the qualification spot, but I had to stop and think for a second to realize that he is right.  I am sure there is a lot more to it but I don't think I had the same sense of importance of those first few races.  It is a tricky business when you have heats, semis, etc because you have more races to see the stakes for.  Each race has to be perfectly executed to make it to the final stakes.  In many ways, there was more at stake in the precursor races to the A final than the final itself. 
This has me thinking a little differently about everyday and each race.  I don't think I should be nervous about every workout, but recognizing the importance to each landmark and the steps along the way, such as NRCs will help put me in a position to show everything I have. 

As this week has come to an end and a new one begins I am trying to stay aligned with God's plan for me.  For the amazing things still to come, while doing the work I need to do to get me there.  NRCs (National Rowing Championships) is the next big landmark for the team but especially the scullers.  We need to show
Rowing Canada the podium material sitting right in front of them and give ourselves the opportunity to show the world the same.

The one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.

1 John 4:4

A Horse in the Gates

In less than 24 hrs my rowing journey will be back in motion after a 3 week holiday.  It has been nice to get away and be with my husband and family while doing things other than row, or stress about rowing related things.  We were still asked to do workouts, but only at a maintenance level and certainly not on any sort of schedule that would hinder anyone from being something other than a rower for a few weeks.
The majority of my time was spent exploring a little piece of Oregon's coast, which happens to be my husbands new station.  We spent the first few days (much to his dismay) unpacking all the boxes and getting things in some sort of home.  Our dogs happily laid about watching or coming and sitting right in the way of our task as to say "I wanting to distract you so you can love me".  Our dogs are spoiled.
After we were sick of unpacking we headed on a bike ride along the ocean which gave me some perspective on the area.  My overall opinion is I will like it there.  We are miles from any large city and the only big name stores are Macys and Walmart (interesting combo I know) and my first words to describe the area was 'eerie', but when you walk out the door and smell trees, and fresh mountain air followed by the smell of the ocean nothing else really matters.  I will be happy to live there one day.
My trip did not last long and I headed back to Ontario late last week to finish out my vacation with my parents and sister's family.

Tomorrow I head back to the grind.  In the last few weeks I have had time to think about my experiences at the World Championships and the outcome both objectively and subjectively.  I know our performance seems miles away from a medal at the Olympics but when you look beyond numbers my partner and I have a lot going for us, and in my mind there is no question about our potential and likelihood of success. The next few months are going to be tough.  My mind, body and spirit will be put to the test.  However, the basics are the same; take it one day at a time, push the limits, be smart and be proactive.  I have been working hard since I arrived at the center in February and I intend to continue doing so with the knowledge I have from competing abroad and the challenge I have ahead I am motivated to make things happen.
The first step in reaching the goal comes from racing the National regatta which is taking place in Welland the weekend of November 11th.  I will be in my single once again but the competition will be greater than last year.  My goal is top 3 and ultimately my goal is to be #1.  With God and my center and focus during all training and racing I know this is possible.  For all things are possible through Christ.
The second step is then (assuming that a great performance will allow me the opportunity to continue training at the Training center) starting to perform once again in the 2x or whatever boat they choose.  Continual podium speed will prove that we deserve a chance at the "last chance" Olympic qualifier.
Like I said before it will be a long year but one day at a time with the focus, discipline and sweat will put me right where I need to be.  In the end if I have done all this with Christ as my lead I can be most proud and confident in the result.

So much to think about, but the take home message is, I am not done yet.  I am not defeated, I am built to race and am waiting for the gate to open, and when it does no one will know what hit them. The only one who can stop me now is myself or God, so watch out!

Recap and Reflection

My deepest apologies for not updating in a very long time!  After having gone through our racing week multiple times I thought I had at least given a post race update!  I am so far behind, so this will certainly be a long one :)

As many of you already know we (my partner and I) won our semi-final putting us into the C final.  It was a fight but we ended up on top preparing us for our last race.  On the day of the final we knew we would have a fight but we also decided to believe in the improvements we had made each race and make this last one confident and strong.  The water was similar to our first day of racing (choppy and unpredictable) and we made a decision to take control of the conditions better than we had before.  We also made a choice to race every 500m like it were our last but also stay true to our race plan and respond not react to anything around us.  We lead pretty much the whole way and opened the gap on the field, with some response from other crews we held our heads and moved closer to the line one stroke at a time to take the win making us 13th in the World. 
We would have liked to be in the top 8 but unfortunately that was not in the plan for us, despite our efforts this time around we had to make the best of what we earned.  So in the end we did not qualify for the Olympics this round, but if Canada staff decides over the next few months that we are fast enough to win the last chance qualifier they will give us that opportunity, one I believe we can dominate with good hard continuous training.  It is hard to know what is the plan for me but I am going to keep pressing forward until the road ends. 
I have had plenty of time to think about my goals in the next 9 months and the day I returned from abroad I started to implement the steps to the big goal of qualifying for 2012.  It is not a lot different from what I had already been doing but I am going to take greater steps to prevent injury, strengthen weaknesses and really hone my strengths.  For the time we are on the water I will take great care in technical details to ensure my precision in all conditions and maximize my power application.  These are all basic things but they make the difference between winning or losing... as I have learned first hand this summer.
Everything is a work in progress; WORK being an ACTION and PROGRESS being CHANGE.  It is in my hands to live out and in God's hands to direct.

Our next adventure, as tainted as it was for us, was the Olympic Orientation visit to London UK.  I had never been to the UK so it was a great experience.  We stayed in a residence in the city and had opportunities to check out all the tourist sites, shopping and infamous Brick Lane (curry city!).  We had some meetings where we discussed plans for transport, lodging, food, gear, etc  during the games.  But the fun part was the afternoon we spend running around the city using the transport systems and acquainting ourselves with the various Olympic venues as a part of AMAZING RACE set up by the Canadian Olympic committee.  In teams for 3 or 4 we ran around taking photos of various locations designated in our guide book designed by the COC.  Every Canadian team that comes through for this visit does the race and inevitably the race becomes a big competition not only internally but against the other teams.  I am happy to say Rowing has demolished both the long and short course records!  My team arrived at the final destination sweaty (and I mean dripping wet) after running from Westminster Abbey around to the Palace through Trafalgar Square and to the finish line.  All the photos I took were while running, but I did manage to get a few good ones!  In any case, we tied for 1st so the sweat was worth it.
All in all the trip was enjoyable and despite not being a qualified boat I took all the sites in, including the race venue in Eton.  I may not know what is ahead but I sure can prepare for it!

C/D SEMI

Things do not always go as planned.  To look at our race on a piece of paper one would not say it was a bad race or something to be ashamed of.  But when you look at it compared to a faster boat it becomes a little harder to see what was good and what we can be proud of.  I think the biggest feeling I have right now is confusion.  I have felt so sure of where I was headed and to be honest I still do feel sure, I am just confused as to the 'how'  it will happen.  I was not under the illusion that we were going to win the A final but I did feel like we could have made it into the AB semi.  I guess once again it is not about my plan but about God's. 
I really need to start listening better and not trying to lead the march, I am here to follow not to take part of what I think God is saying and then make up my own journey.  The journey and the reward is His.
Although we are disappointed in our result thus far, we are gearing up for a semi-final tonight at 4:14pm.  We are of course gearing up to win it and hit the C final hard and dominate that.  I am going to go for it and let God figure out the rest.  Although winning the C or D final does not bring in a medal or any fame and glory (not that winning anything here gets you much more than self satisfaction) it can help put us in a position for next year and give Rowing Canada something to continue to consider.  As I said before I believe in our ability, we just need more time to get it all together.  One month of sporadic training (due to injury and illness) is not cutting it.

Thank you so much for your continuing thoughts, prayers and encouragement.  I know I say it all the time but when things are great I am pleased to know others are rejoicing with me, and when things are not as planned, I am even more grateful to know I have family and friends cheering on the journey, not to mention proud despite the outcome (it is hard to do this myself in such an environment).
We press on, heads up, legs loaded and ready to race :)

Out with the heats in with the reps

So as most of you know already from watching or reading my facebook page, we did not come in a place to send us straight into the semi finals but we are headed into the repechage tomorrow afternoon.  I believe we are the last race of the morning (lunch is around 2pm for the staff).  We will not have an easy race, as in any competition as this no one is here to play around, but we have a great opportunity.  Our goal is to be top 2 which sends us into the A/B Semi final on Friday.  We are going to do this.

Details about the race:
The race started well, we had a great start (which can always be improved) and followed it up with a decent first 1000m, from there things got a little rocky.  The course is rather sensitive to wake so we rowed most if not all the race in some pretty ugly swells.  I know others were rowing in the same so I cannot complain too much.  They have changed the racing schedule a bit to accommodate for that (longer time between races to let the motor boat wake settle) which should help us tomorrow.  I did not have the best row and I am really striving to stay focused on God.  It is hard in the environment to get the quiet moments to listen and talk to Him but I try to do it when the moments come, whether it is walking down to breakfast or walking the boat to the dock, I know he is still listening.  I think Satan (I hate even using the name) has been attempting to drag me down as it is almost like a dark voice pipes up every so often trying to discourage me.  Even if it is hard to ignore I make sure I dig past the voice and listen for the uplifting voice that leads me.  I refuse to let the enemy take hold in any way shape or form.  God has been with me in the past, He is with me now and He will continue to be right by my side. 
Tomorrow I look forward to moving ahead and racing hard to get into the A/B semi.  Please pray for a great race, enough to get us where we are going, whether that is 1 or 2.
Oh as for other prayer requests:
-  a GI illness has become an issue at another hotel, please pray it stays contained and for healing of those with the illness.  Not a pleasant memory for a trip.
-  Continued guidance and direction,
-  Courage and strength in any situation along with peace and relaxation. 

I know the plans He has for me.  Plans for a future and not to harm me.

A photo from home

I have not posted in a few days... of course, but here is a photo from back home to satiate your viewing needs :) I have also posted photos from Italy and Slovenia thus far on Facebook.

Tomorrow is the big day, Race #1. We are in Heat #2 against some tough competition; Germany, Austria, USA, and Great Britain. We find ourselves smack dab in the middle in lane 3 which is a nice place to be to see all around as we race. We feel ready and good about our strategy and look forward to having one race under our belts. Basically we need to be top 2 in this race to go straight to the semi final. But we have a second chance to get to the semi through the repechage (second chance) on Tues where we will have to be top 2 again to continue onto the semi. I will let you know how things play out or you can see for yourself on the World Rowing website.
I am going to save more writing for tomorrow evening but for now please continue prayers, the Lord is faithful and I continue to be reminded of His grace and power. Specifically pray for health, and pain free rowing as we progress through the week, also for the best racing conditions to allow us to do our job best to play out God's will. I feel good about where we are being lead, but it requires us to make tough decisions amidst pain and exhaustion while rowing. God has been a rower in my and our boat before, and I know He will be there again if I let Him be.
Talk to you tomorrow, after racing in the red and white!

Ciao Italia!

Okay Okay, I know I said I was going to write each day but I felt as though I was typing the same thing... repeaters like our meals so I felt it was best to give it a rest and wait a few days, and then "bang" it has come to the end of the week!
Here are some highlights of the Italy portion of this trip:
1.  Speedos.... EVERYWHERE and seemingly on those who should perhaps not wear?  Or should they?
2.  Cold cooked veggies... and to mix it up, warm some days!
3.  Turkey jerky or Chicken jerky at every meal... basically over cooked meat
4.  Sweating so much that you can wring your clothes out after workouts
5.  Lights that turn on themselves in the night
6.  Tiny little ants everywhere in the room (you have to look closely to see them but they are there)
7. Giant spiders in the boat

Ok so I am being sarcastic, but here is the real list,
1.  Beautiful water with a great view
2.  A decent hotel with semi reliable internet
3.  Gelato. Need I say more?
4.  Fun cars
5. Progress in our rowing
6.  Was treated to a home cooked meal by our hosts at the boathouse (best food all week!)
7.  Adventure in every car ride (roads are tiny and people drive fast and care free)
8. Walking the boardwalk in Sesto Calende and enjoying some real town Italy

I could probably go on but that is my list for now.  Unfortunately I did not get to see more of Italy but just enough to be intrigued by the possibilities. 
As for rowing, it has been an up and down week but I think we are coming together.  We had a great piece today which gave me the belief and confidence I need to step forward into Bled.  It is one thing to tell yourself you can do it and another to truly believe.  Sometimes it takes someone else to believe in you too, and to a coach and friend I have to say thank you for the encouragement.
Tomorrow we leave Italy with the work behind us and our future ahead.  I am reminded everyday that I need to leave the details in God's hands and simply do the work to be prepared for the plan to come to fruition, whatever it might be. 
So, please continue to pray for us as a boat and for the team.  For continued health and healing (which is a big need, but I am certainly seeing and feeling the prayer daily!  God can work miracles!), also for our courage, faith and trust to be rightly allocated.  As always, your prayers will be returned to you 10 fold. 

Next time you hear from me I will be in Slovenia!  

PS: I will have to share my thoughts on a book I am reading right now at a different time, but it is about 6 women in the bible who are not talked about too much but played such a significant role in our history.  I am finding some good lessons in each of them.  If you want to check it out;  Francine Rivers, A Lineage of Grace.

Day 3

As we finish out day 3 of Corgeno camp I am struggling to think of interesting things to tell you.  I think it is because of our pretty regular schedule, and even more regular repeat meals.  That said there were warm veggies last night, still overcooked but it is amazing how the temperature of the food can change how it tastes. 
Beyond the meals our day has been pretty uneventful.  We started the day with a wake up row at 6:30am after our morning monitoring, followed by a second breakfast and some free time.  A nap was a necessity.  Our second row was our main workout and consisted of some short pieces focusing on 3 parts of our race.  It is always fun to do side by side work with other boats and it always warrants some chats afterward with fellow teammates about how so and so did not execute the workout to the T (matters when it comes to comparing times... or so it does to some), or how the coach repeated the plan a billion times but with each time with some different inflection, all in all good pieces.
My partner and I are starting to hone in on some good things and we are constantly working toward perfection.  I doubt anyone can be perfect on race day but the goal is to have the least bad strokes so you always have to be prepared for anything.  After another lunch of the same food we had some time to again nap, see physio or massage and just relax before the last workout. 
I can't complain about the day, it definitely had its ups and downs but I think we have come out the other side in better straights.  I don't always understand how things go in life but I know I can trust the outcome to be good. 
OH you will be happy to know that we did not have any mysterious light or shower incidences last night after we went to bed.  Guess we won the heart of our ghost haha
And you will note the photo of the course.

Corgeno Day 1 and 2

Hello followers! 

I have decided that if I can get internet everyday I will be making an attempt to give an update for each day of our training camp leading into Bled and through the competition.  I know I missed yesterday so I will give a brief update on that (ok fine it may not be brief) and our activities today.

DAY 1:  Ciao Corgeno!
Today we entered Corgeno via Toronto, Dusseldorf, and Milan.  Overall the travel was easy and not too tiring.  The flights went well, I did not get any air sickness (yea!) and the flights were quick, early even in some cases.  We arrived in Malpensa airport around 9:30 am Italy time or central European standard time (CET) and drove the last 20 mins or so to our training site in Corgeno, also where our hotel is located.  We unpacked our belongings and settled in quickly before heading to lunch next door at a small local restaurant.  Although the pizza they continually put out is stellar the rest of the meal lacks some luster.  I believe it is because the chef is trying to make sure we eat healthy and does not want to jeopardize our training but man Italy is the land of good food and we LOVE to eat let's make it worth the calories!!  The funniest thing for us was the vegetables.  Maybe one of you know the answer to this, but do Italians just not eat vegetables?  Or if they do, why do they eat them cold?  I am not talking raw veggies, I am talking sauted zucchini, cooked (mushy) carrots, corn, and green beans amongst others.  Not only is is weird to us, it takes you by surprise when you take a bite, not my favourite way to eat veggies.  In any case I am hoping things improve and increase in variety as dinner was the same meal repeated, albeit some fish.
After lunch we all headed back to the hotel in a jet lag stupor to have a nap before we headed to the course for a row.
I will get some photos up, but here is an attempt to describe the course:
You enter the boat house through a tiny lane way, only wide enough for one car with tall stone walls on each side, just big enough that you don't want to mess with them.  As you get to the lake there is a reasonably sized boathouse, simple in design along the edge of the water sitting next to what looks like some sort of recreation area.  As you look out to the water you notice that the lake is all within sight but the scenery changes in every direction.  The scene to note however is toward the top of the course where the lake is the base to beautiful red rooftops all set on the backdrop of the mountains.  It is a beautiful sight, straight off of a postcard.
The row was uneventful, but a good paddle to get the legs moving an back to normal size after being on a plane so long and was followed by dinner.  It was after dinner that my day kind of changed.
Matt called the hotel soon after we returned from dinner and after some pleasantries he relayed info from my family at home.  I don't know if I mentioned it ever before, but my Grandma, Guckan, has been sick and although on my visit there a few weeks ago she was improving, it was expected that she would not be with us too much longer.  As it happens, she passed a day or so ago, in the presence of one of my uncles, peacefully and I believe quite , proud and content with what legacy she had left behind.  It was not easy news to hear and I am tearing up just typing about it but in the sadness there is also peace.  I know God is giving me that peace, and it is because of His sacrifice that she is able to be in a better place, reunited with her earthly love and husband Bucka.  It will not be easy to be away when her funeral occurs but in the end I know the grave will not hold her just as it did not hold Jesus.  The pain is still real but the hope and joy in the gift of her live is greater.  I will do what I can to make her proud and there will be some power in my rowing stroke because of what she has gifted me with genetically and with her life examples.
Typically bed time means lights out and slumber pretty quick, but last night after a distraction of a shopping trip, although a quick pass out our night was not exactly all slumber.  At about 1am both Emily and I woke to use the washroom and then the fun began.  We both got up, used the facilities and then as we lay trying to get back to sleep Emily says "I'm hungry".  And since I was also awake I answered "me too".  Now neither of us got up to eat anything but it was a humourous moment to share.  In any case it was after we started to drift off again that Emily's bedside light came on.  Now in this hotel the lights and any powered things are controled by a room key in the wall which is hooked then to a push pad for each item in the room.  As all of our items, they were not on.  So Emily turned her light off again and we headed to sleep.  A short while later we hear a rush of water, and we both wake and listen as it stops.  I don't know that we said anything then but that was to come.  So again back to bed.  A while later the light comes on AGAIN!  This time Emily made a comment about it and then turned it off just as before.  This was followed shortly by another rush of water and so it continues.  Finally around 3am I would guess we had one more light incident which was ended by Emily removing the bulb in the light proceeded by another longer 30" rush of water which we then decided was worth checking on as it sounded like water was falling on our floor.  After investigating it turned out that the shower was turning on for some reason.  We are not sure what the problem is but we know it has not happened during the day.  Who knows but it surely is a mystery...

DAY 2:
Our second day started in a rush as after our night of curious incidents we somehow slept in till 8:45am which meant we had to quickly put on our rowing clothes, get breakfast skipping our morning monitoring (glucose test of urine and resting HRs... I know it is thrilling, even more so for our physiologist who has to test).  It was a good sleep however, and I was ok with one rushed morning to get the good sleep we needed.
Shortly after breakfast we hit the lake after making some rig changes and worked through some of the kinks.  Every row is not a perfect one but we are striving to make them as such.
We left the boathouse with some things to work on but upward and onward we go, and off to eat the same old meal we went.  More cold veggies, pasta and pizza.  The afternoon was uneventful with a good row before dinner focusing on starts to help reset our mental state after the difficult morning.  The only humourous thing I can tell you about today was about a man at the side of the road on our way home.  On approach we noted the car on the other side of the road pulled over and as we got closer we saw the trunk was open.  Nothing crazy right, well as we passed we were surprised to see a pasty white Italian man wearing a red speedo and caring what seemed to be a kayak paddle.  I am not sure where the boat was but the speedo was a nice touch.
The night wears on and we will be headed to bed in a while but overall a productive day.  Tomorrow starts the real training camp work.

And we are off!

Today we head out to Europe!  It has been a rough go this week with unknowns but the Lord has continued to show me the way.  I am so grateful for all the prayer and encouragement this week it was much needed and well used :)
Our first stop is Corgeno Italy for 10 days of training before heading into Slovenia for the World Championships (Olympic qualifier).  These trips are serious business but we will follow it up with an Olympic orientation visit to London, England where things will be more relaxed and we will be on our own for workouts. 
As we head out today please continue to pray for:
-  health and safety for the team while traveling and training
-  Good training leading into Bled and conditions that give us opportunities to qualify
- Specific, continued healing of my body-  I am rowing but relief is always nice :)
- officials, staff and support systems abroad.

I know this post is not detail rich but I wanted to just touch base before leaving.  It has been a rocky ride but the rocks are so small in comparison to the rest.  I know what and who I am racing for and as long as I stick to that no one will stop me.


Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training.  They do it to get a crown that will not last.  But we do it to get a crown that will last forever. 
1 Corithians 9:25

Let those prayers roll down your cheek

It has been a rough week.  I knew that things were stressful and that I was on the edge trying to stay healthy, on my game and mentally prepared for whatever is tossed our way, but I don't think I realized how tense I was.  I am not one to cry usually, and certainly no more than a few tears but today I had to let it go.  I am not go into detail but let us say that things are a little up in the air right now regarding injury.  I don't want to be vague but this is not the time to completely air my personal laundry for outsiders.  What I will say is I have been praying hard about one issue and then that started to improve and then a 'new' one has popped up that scares me more.  It is nothing that won't heal but today I let the fear and doubt take over and shed a few tears in front of a physio and then completely let lose on the phone with my  mom.  It is amazing how much crying can help you see clearly.  It is like cleaning your windsheild.  You don't realize how cloudy it is until you clean it and then everything is much clearer and brighter.
In any case as I continued my day of resting here at home amidst some packing (I am planning for the best) I was listening to some tunes and a song came on by Mandisa- Just cry .  I took the title for this post from that song because it made me feel a sense of relief.  In all my constant prayer leading up today I have been praying fervently while chastising myself for continually asking God to make things better; as if he would not hear and do on first request!  Either way I think what it comes down to is I needed to let my prayers run down my cheeks, and cry out to God and pray with conviction.  Faith is about believing and doing without knowing the end result and faith is about doing just that in the hard times as well as the easy. But even in those tears and my mis-directed prayer at times it is not as though I don't trust Him, believe or know he is redeeming everything, as the song I was listening to says, it is just that I am a child and I don't always get it right the first time.  And I get caught up in my Will instead of His.
And as a side, I was reminded in the song that God can handle my honesty also.  If I am angry, frustrated or scared he can handle what I throw at Him.  I am sure it is not in His top 10 moments but those moments are for us, how we deal and often it is how God leads us straight back to Him.  

So am I all fixed up and ready to go?  Maybe, not exactly.  Physically I am going to see some docs tomorrow to get checked out, so please pray for God's Will to continue to be revealed to me and how these trials can be used for His kingdom.  Mentally, I am in better sorts, like I said earlier a good cry and a loving Mom can help with that.  And spiritually, I am re-aligning yet again.  One of those times where you check that your compass is pointing heavenward not inward. 
One more thing, please pray for the team and coaches.  For safety, for health and a good last week and a half of training and of course for the best conditions as we head into racing in Solvenia.

"Why do you gotta act so strong
Take off your brave face
And let your prayers run down your cheeks"

Getting ready to take the world by storm!

Time for another update!
I am sorry to tell you, but nothing too exciting this week.  After lots of stress during selection things have thankfully died down in immediate stress and we are diligently working toward being the fastest 2x in the world! 
Everyday is a new experience for us, and we do our best to keep our heads on straight and our oars in the water.  Some practices feel fantastic and some fall flat but there is always something to be taken, both good and bad from each row.  As we approach such a big race it is hard to get through a row without feeling like something is going wrong, mainly because we are sensitive to each small error that could take seconds in a race.  But what prevails is the positive work we are doing and the seconds we are gaining each day we harp on the weaknesses.  I have no idea how fast we are but I am trusting in the work we do and the orchestrator of our lives.  I can't say I always remember to let Him take the lead but I sure get reminders from time to time :)
A week from Monday we will be on a plane to our first destination in Italy for training pre-Worlds.  This will last a little over a week and will allow us the time to adjust to time zones and new locations.  Our next stop will be Bled, Slovenia for the World Championships where the fruits of our labour will be seen.  It is a week long regatta with heats, repechage (second chance), semis and finals A B and C.  In order to qualify our boat for the Olympics we will need to come in the top 8.  I am unsure of the number of entries at this time total but there will be around 17 or so.  Prayer warriors, we will be keeping you busy! 

There is a lot of work yet to be done but I am excited about the prospects.  As we leave I will do my best to keep you informed of all I am experiencing but there are no guarantees the internet will be easily accessed.

Keep praying and keep believing, you are just a part of this as we are!

Every Moment

It has not even been a week since my first success in the single and then our big success in the double (2x) and I feel as though it has been more!  There was little time to celebrate after our race as we immediately set out to prepare ourselves for the biggest race of the year, World Championships (the Olympic qualifier).
For those of you who are reading and are a little confused please do read back in posts, I promise things will make more sense, and the more you read back the more you will learn about me, my sport and the all time coach and fan above.  But for those who need a quick run down on this week here it is:

Tuesday I raced in a 1x for one spot on the sculling team against some speedy competition.  After an almost tie, putting me a close second not far ahead of third, the coaches and powers that be in Rowing Canada decided to give my now partner and I a chance to race for our lives in a time trial (race against the clock).  If we made a standard they set for us we would be considered to race at World Championships.  So to make this quick, we had less than 2 days, 3 workouts to be exact, to get in a boat together and make things work!  As you may have guessed by my comments above, we made the standard and are being given the opportunity to travel and race for our country.  And that brings me to today!

Since our performance last week we have packed several workouts under our belts and have really had to hanker down to make each minute count.  It takes a lot of focus, relaxation, and trust in each other and the coaches to get this all right in time for race day.  I will admit I let my worry get the best of me sometimes, or at least let it creep in.  It is times like those that I have to remind myself of my journey, and the deep feeling I have had since day one that God was leading me to something pretty awesome.  I think I can let a little worry drop off my shoulders, He has not failed me yet despite how many times I seem to fail Him.

I am learning that it takes courage to step out the door sometimes and live the dream that God has for us. And it takes courage to be a disciple, which I believe is what God's Will is for us all, He just finds creative ways for us to do that, such as through passions and talents.  Every time I race I pray for courage.  I pray for the courage to leave my worries behind, and courage to drive my legs down when it hurts the most.  And  I even pray for courage to believe in myself and do crazy things because He tells me I can.  It takes living in the moment and paying attention to every stroke and every detail but in the end if you have taken time to address each stroke for its purpose and importance the end kind of takes care of itself.
I am talking about rowing here but I realize that it is also like our Christian walk.  I use my sport to reach others but my sport itself can teach me about how to approach my life and the people in it.  Each person has a purpose in God's plan.  Each of you have a purpose in even my life.  God does not lead us blindfolded through life, despite what some may think.  He has a purpose for every moment of your day and if you don't relish each of those moments and take hold of the open doors you may miss something spectacular.  It is like a choose your own adventure, so many paths to take, but only one really good ending.

Keep praying, keep loving and GO share it with your community.

Unpredictable

As those who have been following know, today was the big race off!  And boy did we have some great racing.
I will cut to the chase on this one because I am pretty beat and I am sure you really just want to know the results haha.

So after wondering if the wind would hold 'calm' for us we got to racing and after a rough first half for myself (being pretty far behind) I managed to pull out a second half that rocked the show, well almost.  I managed to make up about 10 seconds from the 1000m mark to the finish to sneak into 2nd place at the line a VERY close finish, the timers actually had to consult photo and video to determine, 1st 2nd and 3rd.
I have a lot to work on and although I am pleased with my race I know I could have drastically changed the result of the race by taking a few better strokes earlier on.  In any case I did my best for today.
Despite a killer finish this still meant that I would not go on to trial on Thursday for the 1x at Worlds in Solvenia.  However, the coaches met together, chatted and then presented an idea to the high performance director, an idea that changed the day and the summer for my fellow not first racer.  The decision was made to allow this other girl and I to put a double together and trial it Thursday.  If we come within 2% of the fastest boat on that day then we will be given the opportunity to race in Bled Slovenia and qualify for the Olympics.  This is a great opportunity and we wasted no time in getting a boat all ready and getting some rows in.  We have 2 more rows tomorrow to get ourselves on the same page and come Thursday morning we will race time trial style (not head to head) down the course with what we hope will be lightning speed.

I am so grateful for surprises.  The Lord never ceases to amaze me and there are always little things he sets in motion far in advance to set us up for our goals, hopes and dreams.  He was the first person I thanked at the end of the race, and I know He was smiling upon me today, but also saying "ok, this is nice but just wait until you see what is in store".  At that time I had no idea but a few hours later a glimpse into the plan was clear. 
My second thank you of course went to my husband as I know he got up at 6am his time and prayed for the time it takes to race, plus some just in case we were delayed.  My next thank yous are for all of you, the family and friends that give me encouragement each day, and prayer.  When I am feeling down or lost it is you who help me re-focus and press on.  I really believe that the biggest part to success is the belief that one has in themselves and the belief that others have in you.

This is far longer than intended but I hope you are as excited as I am!  You should be you are a part of this journey :)  Please keep praying, Thursday 7am (6am CT) is the next big race and our last chance for this 2x this year.  The Lords Will be done!

A brief synopsis of one step to success

The day started pretty early, a 4:45am wake up followed by the usual routine; brush teeth, put on clothes for the day, pack the last few items in my bag and then make up my oatmeal then return to my computer to check the weather and eat.
After managing to eat most of my breakfast without feeling too sick with nerves I stepped outside into the hot, thick and humid air and hopped in the car all while continuing to pray for relaxation and courage for what lie ahead.  I had been praying that the Lord would put the best conditions out there for me whether that be wind or calm waters and I guess I had to take confidence in the wind that prevailed in the heat. 
I arrived at the boathouse and did my usual thing; gather water, socks, a hat, sweat rag, some electrolytes in a bag I take on the water (just a simple giant ziploc) and headed into the boat bay to take my blades to the dock.  Upon making it back up the hill from the dock I proceeded to warm up on land and think over my race plan.  The next step is visualization.  I knew I needed focus and I needed to make sure I had a plan going into my race.  Typically we work on race plans in advance which I did do, and practice its execution every chance you get, whether in your mind or on the water.  So this is what I did, one more run through while sitting in the morning sun, eyes closed, taking myself through each stroke, and even touching on the worst case scenario.After visualization everything falls into place, I took my boat to the dock and did what I had been doing for weeks, warm up on the water. 
At 7am I was ready to go and waited at the top of the course for the larger boats to start their time trial so that we singles could get to our race side by side.  At this point I had no idea what was to come but I did my best to relax, stay calm and trust in the work I have put in.  In the end I have and did trust that God's will would be done.
We had a floating start, which simply means we had to line up evenly without assistance from a boat holder.  It makes things slightly difficult and adds some stress for us rowers but it all works out in the end. 
The lane polling was complete and I sat at attention ready for the call;  "Attention, row!"  And we were off, I managed to get some great start strokes in and found myself at the front of the pack (slightly).  This was a major blessing as I had been struggling up to this point in getting my floating start right.  As I lengthened into race pace I thought about long and powerful strokes into the head wind.  My goal was to stay focused on my race and what I was doing not others and thankfully I picked a hat to wear by accident that acted like blinders so even if I wanted to look it was hard to see.  I lead the race from early on and it was not until the second half that I started to have trouble and even caught a crab (not the crustacean but a term we use to describe the blade getting stuck under water and usually stopping the boat).  I had a brief moment of panic and the one girl closest to me opened the gap on me to take the lead.  I responded to my blunder quickly and made my goal to take back the water I lost on the following crews.  I was not going to settle for anything less than 2nd and was going to push to be as close to the now leading rower so that in the chance that the coaches decided to go on time gaps I would have a chance. 
At this point my legs were on fire, and my lungs were about to explode with the effort and the extreme humidity and heat but I managed to hold off the heavy wheezing with some solid exhales going into the last 500m.  I did not have the best of lifts to the finish but I got the job done.  I had no idea how far I was from the leader but I knew I had left no questions about 2nd or 3rd.
I was pleased with the efforts I put in but clearly saw a need for several improvements on my race overall.  This is what I will be working on for the next few days until we race off on Tuesday with our top sculler.

I am grateful to you all for your prayers and will ask yet again for them as Tuesday approaches.  This will be phase 2 of three to qualifying for the World Championships in August.  I have confidence in the plan that is set out for me in life and here for rowing and the race this week was a good reminder for trusting always.

Shortest post ever

Hello all!!

I will post a more clear synopsis later but I wanted to thank you all for your prayers.  I did not have the best race of my life but I had a good enough one to be pushed into the race off next week.  I had come second just a few seconds off one of my teammates who has been the fastest at the center.  Next Tuesday we will race off against the fastest 1x in Canada.  Keep praying I will need them!

Put your Prayer Warrior panties on!

war·ri·or  (wôr-r, wr-)

n.

1. One who is engaged in or experienced in battle.

2. One who is engaged aggressively or energetically in an activity, cause, or conflict

 
I have just returned from a trip home to celebrate with my husband his great achievement, becoming a Naval Aviator for the US Coast Guard.  I was proud to see him receive his wings of gold, and had a great time celebrating with friends and family.  I wish I could say I was able to fully relax while home but unfortunately training to be the best requires you to be on top of workouts everyday.  So I continued my training back where it all started, on the erg in my kitchen. 
I don't want to take away from the fun I had while home, and how nice it was to experience a day in my husband's life for once but soon after arriving home I received an email from the training center coaches describing the plan for the sculling group.  I think I might have mentioned it in my last post but the double (2x) that was sent to World Cup 3 did not do terribly well and so Rowing Canada had some tough decisions to make about where the program was headed and how to proceed to World Championships (the first Olympic qualifier).  In the end it was decided that the only boat being considered for that race will be the single (1x).  This requires those of us at the center to do a head to head race to find the fastest single who will then race against the top single sculler in Canada.  The fastest person will then be considered to take part in the World championship race in Bled, Slovenia at the end of the summer.  Needless to say when I read the news my heart sank.  My thoughts were immediately turned to "does this mean I am done? How am I going to make it anywhere with this news?".  I was also quickly reminded by the Big Guy that I need to continue keeping faith.  I definitely have had to come to grips with that.  I am constantly praying for the Lord to calm my heart and mind and for me to just do what I love and do it with a joyful and eager heart. 
But back to getting the news.  On my travels back to Canada I started to think about my reaction to the email, and I thought about the discouragement I felt in it.  It was and sometimes is easy for me to think, I am done this is it and get tired and worn out thinking about the what ifs.  But what I realized yesterday was that what I am doing is not easy, it is not for anyone and it definitely requires one to see beyond a set back.  Or is it a setback?  If this is all part of God's plan then the only setback is the one I am having personally with my faith and trust in God's Will.  Whether that involves my success or that of someone else.

I really am jumping around a lot, which comes from posting before I have processed all this information.  I am still doing my best to take every step forward with a heart and mind if faith but I do need prayer and lots of it.  Thursday will help determine what happens for the rest of the year for me, not necessarily the end but the beginning of something.  I would love to race the single at Worlds, which is hard to fathom right now, but after my experience at the National regatta last year (see first post) after having very little coaching I have to believe anything is possible. 

Some of you have asked me what you can do for me and here it is;
Pray for:
1.  Courage to do God's Will, whatever that entails ( failure or success).
2.  Health; injury, illness free and energy full
3.  My teammates
4.  The ability to do my best on race day, as well as the ideal conditions to do so, whether that is rain, wind, sleet hail, snow or a beautiful calm sunny day.

I have no idea if I have left lose ends but let me know if you have questions or anything, I am always here and always want to give you the most of my experiences.  Thank you in advance for your prayer, I will certainly be praying thanks through the week :)  Some say "put your party panties on", but this week my theme is "put your prayer warrior panties on".  For men feel free to stick to briefs or boxers or whatever it is you wear :) Despite what you call them, put the prayer on just like you put your undies on each morning;  As the first essential item to start your day.

It really does take, Blood, Sweat and Tears

What a week!  I have been put through the ringer and made it out the other side. 
I cannot remember when I last felt like my body had been completely crushed, and my soul left floating on the water!  This past week I had my mind tested as well as my body while the U23 coach who took over all remaining athletes at the center put us through a week of killer workouts, one on top of the other.  The week was going by quite quickly until Wednesday hit and the lactic acid had not cleared from previous workouts, leaving me in a serious hurt locker for the remaining 4 days of the week which made Wednesday look like a Sunday picnic.  I am so proud of myself for getting through, but I will not lie, I whined, I cried and I was frustrated on more than one occasion with the coach.  You see, when you work your body to the limits, you can't act or think logically, your emotions are just waiting to burst from you and one simple thing could send you into hysterical laughter or tears. 
In these moments, it is a fine line of becoming distracted and being in a place to make great gains.  This is something that I am being taught right now.  It seems that the theme of focus is rising for me, and this was a big test.  It is easy to see where you are headed when things are going well, easy to believe in yourself and trust the grand plan.  When we hurt, are tested or put through the fire we tend to blame others, doubt the process and those who put it in place.  We don't always have to know what is going to happen and I don't believe that we even have to feel great about it to get something out of it.  By at least being aware of the fact I was being "whiny" or negative I was able to force some focus and let go of some of my reservations in order to get the job done... not to mention a lot of desperate prayer.  Could the job have been done better?  Perhaps, but sometimes a little is better than nothing.
I don't know that any of this makes sense but what I am trying to say is that in order to achieve goals, live out God's Will (not my will), and make the most of every situation we need to keep focused on the goal and no matter what gets thrown your way, know that even if you cannot see it now, there is something great in the end.
I admit, I may now understand the purpose of last week in my training curve but I have no idea how it will play out in the end.  I suppose I will see it soon as the rest of the team returned today and I will more than likely have my shot at a World Champ boat... right after a trip back home for my husband's Winging (graduation from flight school).
One side note regarding my trip home.  There is always an up to a down and always a reason for every action and this has been true for my injury.  My husband has given up a lot to let me follow my dream to row on the World stage, mainly fresh laundry, good cooking and a clean house haha just kidding... kind of :)  But for real, he has given me his blessing and support to do this and the least thing I could do was attend his Winging, one of the most important days in his career as a Coastie.  Just a few months ago it looked like this would not happen, I thought I would be in Europe and busy training.  And although I am amidst training being injured put me here in London, and able to attend this special day.  I know I would have regretted not being there, even though he would not have held it against me.  The Lord is good and delights in seeing his children smile.

So for the next few days, as I head home and celebrate with my husband and family, the focus will not be about my dream but about the journey that brought him to his. 

Change

A lot can happen in one week;
- Pain can return
- Doubt can set it
-  Frustration can mount
- A person can complete workouts as prescribed
-  Changes occur physically and externally
- Changes incur confusion and doubt
- Changes lead to discovery
- Discovery leads to more change
- This change leads to re-gained faith and confidence
-  Change leads to understanding others differently if you open your mind and heart to it and make yourself believe.
-  Excitement

The above is a very small part of my week and the week is not done, but I could not wait to post.
After last week I found myself in quite a bit of pain from the weeks increased load and intensity.  I know that my body is going to continue to adjust but when you cannot be comfortable just being it can be a little discouraging.  I tried not to let this get the best of me though and started the week off with a bang and worked through each practice trying to focus on my weaknesses.  I have also been getting a lot of feedback lately from the coach that is left at the center (under 23 coach).  She is a very accomplished rower, rowing for Germany years ago as a lightweight in sculling events, but despite her accolades I was having and still do have a hard time taking all her feedback without some hesitancy.  I think I have now realized that between my pride and the fact that she is poking at things that other coaches like about my rowing, confusing me, she did not have too much of a chance.  That said, I have been making a conscious effort to listen and take things in stride.  She has a lot of experience and I should be taking her advise no questions asked.  In any case, I have been doing as she asks and one change we made recently in my single is raise the height.  Seems simple enough right?  Well as much as it felt better in some ways I was having difficulties in others, which I did not mention right away, as my first instinct is to blame my own failings.  It was not until after a 5x 1250m  workout at race pace that I felt it was important enough to mention.  This lead to a spiral of events about my boat rig.
1.  Question from coaches;  "What are your pitches set at?"
Response; "6-2", coach response "change to such and such"
What I found: 6-2 on one side and 5-3 on the other.
-  I have yet to feel it out on the water but I imagine things will feel different and my ribs may get a bit of relief!

2. Seat racing occurred this week for the Pan Am group and they were short a set of oars, so I gave the ok for them to use mine with the stipulation that they put them back to the rig they were found.  This spurred the coach to inform me ever so gently that my oars were far to long for the size of the blade, an easy fix but a big problem.  Anyways this is all boring to most people, what I am getting at is, the coach set them differently as to put less strain on my body.  Again, my ribs will hopefully love me more for this, not to mention I should be able to get to high rates more easily now.

I could go on, but one question I had for a brief moment was "why?".  Why now, why not months ago, when I had at least 2 other people look at my boat and oars?  I do not blame any of those people as I trust them all.  But almost instantly I realize, this is all part of a plan.  I do not think that things HAD to happen this way, but it seems like such perfect timing in many ways.  I personally as an individual still need to work on getting stronger and back in the game but it sure helps to have a boat set up properly to support you.

I will let you know how the changes feel on the water, I know it will be odd for a while and I may have to build strength in areas I have been neglecting but I pray the result will be great. 
Confidence is a great thing if you use it well.
Sometimes I feel like my posts are hard to follow, and I probably always say this and apologize, so I won't change this time, and send my apologies for any incoherent ramblings, it is bedtime for me and it was an insomnia night last night, needless to say the pillow and I will be having a wonderful reunion tonight!

Sweet dreams, & happy mornings :)

A work in progress

It is about time I get my act together and update the world on my life!  I don't really think that my life is that important to the world, but I appreciate you who take an interest in what I do.  It makes getting up and to practice that much easier :)

I have no idea where I left off last, but I imagine it was in the beginnings of my return to the water.  I am in fact continuing to progress well on the water and despite the fact that I have a hard time getting to the speeds I was at prior to injury, it is all a journey and 7-8 weeks of no rowing takes time to come back from.
This week has been most notable for me.  The rest of the team headed to World cup 3 left Tues leaving the Under 23 group and the Pan Am group along with myself to entertain the dreams of rowing on the world stage.  Early in the week we had a 2k time trial, which was for initial selection for the Pan Am group, which I will be a part of if my shot at the Sr 2x does not come up.  However, my results were only indicative of my recovery process and I did not have to worry too much about my near future for Pan Ams.
In any case, what I will say is, rowing well and rowing fast are two separate things, and although it is good to do both, if you always remember power you will be more safe than if you think only of rowing well.  I don't mean to say that you should forget technique, it is vital especially on the world stage, however, if you have no power to back it up looking pretty does nothing for you except beg the question "what happened?".  I mention this because my performance in the time trial was more than ugly, if that is possible.  The conditions were fast but gusty and I did not hold it together well.  I managed to get through but by the skin of my teeth.  However, after getting the results I realized the statement above.  Because I just kept pushing the legs (which are still a work in progress) I was able to hold my own in the standings.  I was not on top as I am used to but close and at quite a bit lower stroke rating that the others (not trying to brag but put things in perspective for myself).
 This kicked off the realization for me that I can do this, I can get to normal ratings and find myself back on top in time for the group to return before World Championships.  I have to be patient but it will come if I push a little more every day.

After having this challenge put on myself... by myself, I came into our next workout determined to execute it well with focus and commitment. The rates were more in my range so it meant there were no excuses.  I left that practice feeling good about my success.  I kept the power on and worked on my technical focuses throughout to ensure maximum speed.  It was not perfect or the fastest but I was pleased with the progress.

This upcoming week will bring on more challenges but I know I can overcome them, take them in stride and make myself stronger for the bigger picture. 

These Things Take Time

Time has passed quickly!  And there have been a lot of changes since I last posted.

I believe I left my last post having stepped out of the selection pool for World Cup 3.  This is still the case, but selection for the rest of the group went on and the boat was named earlier this week.  After some crazy racing (mainly due to constantly shifting race days as the weather was less than cooperative) a double was named with two great girls.  Both are good scullers (of course) and great racers.  I am excited for them and the racing to come.  They leave near the end of the month for Amsterdam and then Lucerne Switzerland while I continue training here at the LTC.

As seat racing and selection came to a close earlier this week my spirits took a beating.  The best way to describe my initial reaction was that feeling you get the day after Christmas.  You know that realization that everything is over and all the family is gone?  It was a realization for me that my chance for this summer was narrowing. There is a double who I believe in and think can go fast but that is the same double I will be trying to get into later this summer, unless something changes.  It is a constant battle to believe in myself and my abilities, to have faith and not doubt the process that God has.  I still firmly believe that my decision to not participate in selection was a good one, I don't think it would have been productive at all, but it is still hard to be on your own.
That is it, being alone.  That is what it feels like right now,  the team has dispersed to their respective new groups and goals, some have retired or taken time to think about their future in the sport and I get to the boathouse and all of a sudden feel like I have no coach program or direction.  Fortunately I know I am not alone and I also have been able to ask for the coaching when a coach is available.  I also know that it is my schedule for healing that places me in such a position and it is "time limited" as my grandmother and mom say.  My biggest challenge now besides healing is to maintain focus, commitment and faith.
I need to stay focused on the task ahead;  my goal is not simply to race a World Cup, my goal is to make it to the podium at the 2012 games.  I have to put my head on straight take control of my rehab workouts and know that every little thing I do now will get my to my goal, especially when I keep my eyes upward and my will open to God's shaping.
I need to keep faith in the plan God has.  To daily surrender myself to His will and listen to where he leads me.  I also need to maintain faith in my skills and abilities, the speed that I have shown to date.  I will get that back plus some and I want to be mentally prepared for that day.
And commitment is what keeps me going.  The dedication and promise to myself to seek out God's will in this part of my life, and to the task that presents itself everyday.  If I am committed to the right things when tough times such as this one arise, I cannot be moved or shaken.  I might be stunned for a moment or two but I can assess and get on track quickly as to not be distracted.
This is what I do each day, remind myself of the end goal.  I try and keep my focus while also using my peripherals to remind myself of the future.

I know this is a long post but I think I should also update you on my progress physically!
It sometimes takes reminding of where you came from to see the progress you have made.  And that certainly is the case for me.  It was not until I was casually talking to our massage therapist that I was reminded of how big a deal it was for me to have done a 4x 20' workout on the rowing machine, or that I have been rowing on the water for a couple of weeks and the pain is disappearing.  I can now carry my boat up and down the hill from the course to boathouse pain free.  This week I started adding very short hard pieces to the workout and even did a full 19 km row at the beginning of the week.  I have backed off to a daily 16km with pieces but still progress none the less.  I have also started lifting again as well as joining in our core circuit and pilates 2x/week which is somewhat stressful for my body but I just have to adjust, it has been a while.  And the latest is that next week I will start a second row per day on some days in a double with some lucky rower haha.

So to put in perspective this was a typical week for me to this point:
Every day-
AM: Row easy
AM2: speed workout on bike or other cross training.

My week now (which is a little more than the typical program for all athletes due to my inability to do speed work on the water right now):
M- AM row 16k with 10 stroke pieces, AM2: Row 2x easy, PM weights and speed workout
T - AM: same as M, AM2: Core circuit and pilates 2 hrs total, PM:  speed workout
W - AM: row, AM2: row or weights PM: speed workout
Thurs -  same as T
F- same as M
Sat- Am1: row Am2: row and or speed workout.

I am trying to be patient but it is hard, and staying on task and focused sometimes takes its toll.  But these are the things that will make me stronger on race day.  I can either let the challenge overwhelm me or I can make it a part of who I am as a racer and person, never giving up and always fighting to meet my goals.

Keep praying I need all the encouragement I can get.  This week has been hard but I still have hope in what lies ahead I just need the reminder from time to time.  Also prayer for the team as they travel.  The sweepers are in Russia as we speak and will be staying in Europe until late July, and the scullers will join them shortly.

Have a wonderful week!

A change of plans? Or A clearing of vision?

I have spent the last few days thinking about what I could write about and in the end I don't have any words of wisdom or inspiring words, but what I do have is a glimpse into the latest in my adventure... perhaps I should do this more often.

I will get right to the important stuff.  As of Sunday just passed I am not joining selection for the first race of the summer in Europe.  This comes after my own reflection of how my body is healing and feeling post rib stress fracture, and the physiotherapist's opinion joined with a final decision by my coach and other important decision makers.  This does not mean I am out all summer it just means they are giving me more time to heal completely so that I can get back in a boat and do what I do at full strength with no looming injury.

Let me back up a bit;
On Monday of last week I got back into the boat for the first time in 5ish weeks.  An easy paddle but it was great to be back on the water in my lovely T-bird blue boat.  I continued to row all week but as we started to ramp up the intensity the pain also started to present itself again, only mildly but enough to set off warning bells.  I heeded the bells and backed off a bit but still had lingering issues for the rest of the week.  My goal at this point was to get myself back to a level where I could race for selection June 1st and after a few rows similar to the one described above I started to feel uneasy about the pending hard efforts.  If you know anything about selection it requires multiple consistent fast efforts to show your max speed, and ultimately prove to yourself and coaches that you are the woman for the job.  Kind of like a job interview where your own efforts dictate the result.  So as my worries started to increase I continually had to remind myself to depend on God, and do not start trying to take the situation from his able hands.  It was finally on Friday of last week that I expressed my concerns to our physio who promptly supported my thoughts and was thinking along the similar lines.  Ultimately it was as though he had given me some time to come to him before he dropped the gauntlet, which really in the end is not that at all.
After discussion with my coach we decided getting healed 100% was far more beneficial to the team than being on the edge and possibly injured for the entire summer.  Again my successes earlier in the year had given me the credibility to be allowed to try for a boat later this summer when I am healed.  The Lord certainly is good in his grand planning.

You might be wondering how I feel about all of this.  I can tell you confidently that I feel this is the best and right decision for me.  I have full confidence in the plan ahead, even if I do not understand it or know anything about it.  I think what I was seeing as my inability to hand over my worries (which is always hard) was where God started to really tug at my gut, saying "this is not the plan I have for you, my plan is much greater if you can just be patient a little while longer.  Take care of the body I have designed for you and your purpose and I will give you more than you can imagine".  It was an incredible relief to get the final word from my coach and it was like a weight was lifted from my shoulders.  It was an odd feeling to have as I was feeling weighted about racing when I knew my body would not be there for me after a couple of hard 2k efforts, crushing my hopes of racing this summer.  Some might see this as a compromise, I see it as a vision that is different than I could have pictured myself.

So I am still rowing once a day and progressing with time/distance on the water, and spend my second workouts cross training, pushing my body to the limits where I can so that when my body is ready to rock on the water, my muscles and my mind are ready too.  It might be called a change of plans for some people, but I am convinced the plan was this way all the time, and my eyes have just been opened to the vision that was already there.

Cruisers, rain and 2 spring chickens

Two women, in their 60's on their cruisers were biking side by side down Victoria St. today, looking just as young and free as two 10 year old's on a summer day.  The rain started to fall and they both let out girlish laughs, clearly realizing the freedom and youthfulness of their ride.  I walked down the opposite sidewalk smiling and I even let out a little chuckle at the nostalgic scene.  The smell of rain on warm pavement and the cold drops hitting my skin completed the moment making me feel perfectly happy and at peace. As I enjoyed a memory I thought about that pure joy and freedom that we seemed to have as kids, riding our bikes, wind blowing through rain dropped hair and cooling the skin on a hot summer day with none other than our best friend(s).  I thought about the importance of that feeling, and how we often lose it for things in our everyday lives. We tend to look to our past for those moments of pure innocence and joy but forget that there are moments everyday in which we can create a new moment in time.  It does sound cliche but think about it, how many things that you do each day can you say, "I feel free, I feel at peace, in this moment it is just me and my senses" ?
Lately I have been learning a lot about finding joy in my daily life and creating those moments that I will look back and say "yes, I remember that sensation, I remember the smells, I remember how right everything seemed".  I never knew that rowing could bring me so much joy, and I don't even know if it is the sport itself or all the stimulation around it, lately I wonder if I just enjoy seeing God work in my life so much that I want to hold onto it forever. 
I think it is so important to find what it is you are passionate about.  And to not only find it but go with it!  I never believed as a college student that I should be able to enjoy something that seemed so frivolous as my sport, but funny how God uses our passions to ignite a flame in others, and even within ourselves.  It took a bit of time before I started to realize that God is not out to punish us or make our lives miserable.  He wants us to follow our dreams that he has put ahead of us.  Sure it is not always easy and being a believer is not a breeze, but the end of the story is always guaranteed to be wonderful and full of unfathomable joy and riches.
So what am I getting at?  Go back to that bicycle moment, the wet pavement, sights, sounds and smells of the time you felt so free, invite God to be a part of that moment and find that feeling in whatever you do each day.  Even better, share that moment with someone else, a collegue, client, patient, friend or family member.  The options are limitless!  I guarantee that you will find more freedom through following your passion and sharing it with others.

If you don't remember  what it feels like to have the wind blow through your hair or the feeling of rain hitting your skin, put on your shoes, hop on your bike and hit the road, there are so many moments waiting just for you if you just let God do his thing.