These Things Take Time

Time has passed quickly!  And there have been a lot of changes since I last posted.

I believe I left my last post having stepped out of the selection pool for World Cup 3.  This is still the case, but selection for the rest of the group went on and the boat was named earlier this week.  After some crazy racing (mainly due to constantly shifting race days as the weather was less than cooperative) a double was named with two great girls.  Both are good scullers (of course) and great racers.  I am excited for them and the racing to come.  They leave near the end of the month for Amsterdam and then Lucerne Switzerland while I continue training here at the LTC.

As seat racing and selection came to a close earlier this week my spirits took a beating.  The best way to describe my initial reaction was that feeling you get the day after Christmas.  You know that realization that everything is over and all the family is gone?  It was a realization for me that my chance for this summer was narrowing. There is a double who I believe in and think can go fast but that is the same double I will be trying to get into later this summer, unless something changes.  It is a constant battle to believe in myself and my abilities, to have faith and not doubt the process that God has.  I still firmly believe that my decision to not participate in selection was a good one, I don't think it would have been productive at all, but it is still hard to be on your own.
That is it, being alone.  That is what it feels like right now,  the team has dispersed to their respective new groups and goals, some have retired or taken time to think about their future in the sport and I get to the boathouse and all of a sudden feel like I have no coach program or direction.  Fortunately I know I am not alone and I also have been able to ask for the coaching when a coach is available.  I also know that it is my schedule for healing that places me in such a position and it is "time limited" as my grandmother and mom say.  My biggest challenge now besides healing is to maintain focus, commitment and faith.
I need to stay focused on the task ahead;  my goal is not simply to race a World Cup, my goal is to make it to the podium at the 2012 games.  I have to put my head on straight take control of my rehab workouts and know that every little thing I do now will get my to my goal, especially when I keep my eyes upward and my will open to God's shaping.
I need to keep faith in the plan God has.  To daily surrender myself to His will and listen to where he leads me.  I also need to maintain faith in my skills and abilities, the speed that I have shown to date.  I will get that back plus some and I want to be mentally prepared for that day.
And commitment is what keeps me going.  The dedication and promise to myself to seek out God's will in this part of my life, and to the task that presents itself everyday.  If I am committed to the right things when tough times such as this one arise, I cannot be moved or shaken.  I might be stunned for a moment or two but I can assess and get on track quickly as to not be distracted.
This is what I do each day, remind myself of the end goal.  I try and keep my focus while also using my peripherals to remind myself of the future.

I know this is a long post but I think I should also update you on my progress physically!
It sometimes takes reminding of where you came from to see the progress you have made.  And that certainly is the case for me.  It was not until I was casually talking to our massage therapist that I was reminded of how big a deal it was for me to have done a 4x 20' workout on the rowing machine, or that I have been rowing on the water for a couple of weeks and the pain is disappearing.  I can now carry my boat up and down the hill from the course to boathouse pain free.  This week I started adding very short hard pieces to the workout and even did a full 19 km row at the beginning of the week.  I have backed off to a daily 16km with pieces but still progress none the less.  I have also started lifting again as well as joining in our core circuit and pilates 2x/week which is somewhat stressful for my body but I just have to adjust, it has been a while.  And the latest is that next week I will start a second row per day on some days in a double with some lucky rower haha.

So to put in perspective this was a typical week for me to this point:
Every day-
AM: Row easy
AM2: speed workout on bike or other cross training.

My week now (which is a little more than the typical program for all athletes due to my inability to do speed work on the water right now):
M- AM row 16k with 10 stroke pieces, AM2: Row 2x easy, PM weights and speed workout
T - AM: same as M, AM2: Core circuit and pilates 2 hrs total, PM:  speed workout
W - AM: row, AM2: row or weights PM: speed workout
Thurs -  same as T
F- same as M
Sat- Am1: row Am2: row and or speed workout.

I am trying to be patient but it is hard, and staying on task and focused sometimes takes its toll.  But these are the things that will make me stronger on race day.  I can either let the challenge overwhelm me or I can make it a part of who I am as a racer and person, never giving up and always fighting to meet my goals.

Keep praying I need all the encouragement I can get.  This week has been hard but I still have hope in what lies ahead I just need the reminder from time to time.  Also prayer for the team as they travel.  The sweepers are in Russia as we speak and will be staying in Europe until late July, and the scullers will join them shortly.

Have a wonderful week!