I have spent the last few days thinking about what I could write about and in the end I don't have any words of wisdom or inspiring words, but what I do have is a glimpse into the latest in my adventure... perhaps I should do this more often.
I will get right to the important stuff. As of Sunday just passed I am not joining selection for the first race of the summer in Europe. This comes after my own reflection of how my body is healing and feeling post rib stress fracture, and the physiotherapist's opinion joined with a final decision by my coach and other important decision makers. This does not mean I am out all summer it just means they are giving me more time to heal completely so that I can get back in a boat and do what I do at full strength with no looming injury.
Let me back up a bit;
On Monday of last week I got back into the boat for the first time in 5ish weeks. An easy paddle but it was great to be back on the water in my lovely T-bird blue boat. I continued to row all week but as we started to ramp up the intensity the pain also started to present itself again, only mildly but enough to set off warning bells. I heeded the bells and backed off a bit but still had lingering issues for the rest of the week. My goal at this point was to get myself back to a level where I could race for selection June 1st and after a few rows similar to the one described above I started to feel uneasy about the pending hard efforts. If you know anything about selection it requires multiple consistent fast efforts to show your max speed, and ultimately prove to yourself and coaches that you are the woman for the job. Kind of like a job interview where your own efforts dictate the result. So as my worries started to increase I continually had to remind myself to depend on God, and do not start trying to take the situation from his able hands. It was finally on Friday of last week that I expressed my concerns to our physio who promptly supported my thoughts and was thinking along the similar lines. Ultimately it was as though he had given me some time to come to him before he dropped the gauntlet, which really in the end is not that at all.
After discussion with my coach we decided getting healed 100% was far more beneficial to the team than being on the edge and possibly injured for the entire summer. Again my successes earlier in the year had given me the credibility to be allowed to try for a boat later this summer when I am healed. The Lord certainly is good in his grand planning.
You might be wondering how I feel about all of this. I can tell you confidently that I feel this is the best and right decision for me. I have full confidence in the plan ahead, even if I do not understand it or know anything about it. I think what I was seeing as my inability to hand over my worries (which is always hard) was where God started to really tug at my gut, saying "this is not the plan I have for you, my plan is much greater if you can just be patient a little while longer. Take care of the body I have designed for you and your purpose and I will give you more than you can imagine". It was an incredible relief to get the final word from my coach and it was like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. It was an odd feeling to have as I was feeling weighted about racing when I knew my body would not be there for me after a couple of hard 2k efforts, crushing my hopes of racing this summer. Some might see this as a compromise, I see it as a vision that is different than I could have pictured myself.
So I am still rowing once a day and progressing with time/distance on the water, and spend my second workouts cross training, pushing my body to the limits where I can so that when my body is ready to rock on the water, my muscles and my mind are ready too. It might be called a change of plans for some people, but I am convinced the plan was this way all the time, and my eyes have just been opened to the vision that was already there.
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