I have no idea what God has in store for me.
What I do know is that no matter what it is, I will glorify Him in it.
I am not so sure where my last post left me, and I have a feeling I have left everyone hanging for over a month. After all the struggles and challenges I faced leading up to the Canadian Nationals, God graciously gifted me with a win (a bow ball) over my competitors in the single. It is hard to describe the incredulous presence of God through the entire race and how big His hands were when I realized I had won (I did not know for a good while as it was such a close race). I have never felt so enveloped by prayer, love and support by everyone who had been doing the things above through the weekend and especially during the 8 mins of racing. Where God's people are He is also (even in prayer across the world).
Recently my bible study group has been talking about the incredible love of God, and boy did I feel it during the weekend. Not just because he gave me a gift but because of the knowledge that without His mighty power the results would have been different, and to be honest I don't think I would have been rowing again period! "Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty who was and is and yet to come!"
So what happens next you ask? Well here is where it gets a bit tough.
The Tuesday after racing things resumed at the center and we were given direction; Olympic selection camp or not. To make this story a little shorter, I will just say that I was not invited into the Olympic camp and the sculling program has been held back also. The decision was made based on past performances of the sculling pool and the likelihood based on individual results through the years, that a boat could medal at the Olympics. It is somewhat of a financial and resource allotment decision also.
It was a hard piece of news to chew, and thanks to answered prayer during my mtg when I started to sense it was not going well, I did not cry, I was able to be level headed, emotionless really and walk away knowing I had actually heard what they were telling me beyond the bad news.
This is why I have not updated this blog. First it was trying to let the dust settle around the race, and then I just could not write while my mind and heart were in some turmoil. The rest of the time I cannot say I can account for except, it just was not time.
I think I went through an abbreviated grieving process over the next week of receiving the news. I was confused, dissapointed, and frustrated at times. I was sad at one point too but very few tears were shed. Like I said earlier, I don't know what God's plan is in all of this, and I can honestly say that despite my brief moment of grief I knew God was working all the while. If our journeys as Christians looked just like everyone else's in this world then how would God be praised? I think God is giving us an opportunity to journey in Christian lives that resemble the life of Jesus; a baby born in the lowest of low conditions, raised by two ordinary people, he lead the weak, weary, sick, outcast, sinners and was mocked, beaten and died to give us a better life. One of joy, and everlasting peace and life with God in heaven.
I may not be perfect, and I may not have come from the worst of circumstances, but I can tell you that my journey thus far has been anything but easy. I pray for strength and guidance daily and look for opportunities to lead by God's example in whatever road I head down.
I did fight for my spot in selection by putting in an appeal as did my 2x partner from World Championships. I felt like I needed to do it for my own sake to get the answers I needed and to find direction. In the end it did not change the decision but I think I planted a seed, and I know that through it God helped me see a few steps ahead, "I know the plans I have for you...".
There are always blessings in all situations, and one of these were that I was able to leave the center early to spend time with Matt. I planned to surprise him for Thanksgiving in Colorado as he was to travel back from his T-course in Alabama. Unfortunately Matt was held up an extra week, but I was able to spend a great holiday with my in-laws and my puppies whom had a blast with Grandma and Grandpa over the last months. Once Matt returned we headed back to where I am now, our home in Oregon!
I am spending most of my time cross training, as I am working on getting my body fully healed so I don't keep re-injuring my ribs, finally much needed rest! I actually got on the erg for the first time in months just today, and plan on attempting running when I get my new sneaks! The bike is great but 2 hrs gets pretty boring sometimes.
Keep praying, God is not done with me yet! I still feel His hand gently leading me forward with rowing. I believe in miracles, and I believe that if He wants me at the Olympics for 2012 it will happen, hence why I continue to train hard as when the opportunity arises I want to be ready!
We may not always understand where we are headed but with prayer, time in the Word and time living life with the Creator we can be confident that where we are headed is pretty awesome.
He's not finished with me yet!
No comments:
Post a Comment