So, what is new? As you can imagine there have been a lot of decisions my husband and I have made involving our future. With rowing turning out the way it did it was hard to walk away feeling like I had done all I could do. I may be holding onto something that is not realistic, but in making the decisions I felt like it was not over yet. That said, right now, during the heat of testing I think about packing it up and moving home (to Oregon). However, I know not to make decisions on a high or low as you tend to be swayed by emotion. The plan is to stick with it and take the next 4 years one at a time moving toward the 2016 Rio Olympics.
Speaking of the Olympics. Can I say that it was one of the hardest years to watch! The coverage was not really great with too much focus on only a handful of sports but my real issue was with being both excited for my team mates, and disappointed and frustrated, maybe even angry that I was not there. I don't know that I should have been there but it has been a tough cookie to swallow. I did get up in the wee hours to watch our women row an amazing race to silver, but the days leading to that were tough in my own workouts and still can be challenging, especially while on my own in OR until I return to the center in September.
This week we have our RADAR testing. For those who don't know it is the series of tests that help identify athletes from the intro level to the top elite. Each test gets designated points and certain levels give you certain financial benefits (or rather give you the opportunity). I have put a lot of pressure on myself to meet the next tier of financial aid, so that I am able to contribute more to our family budget as I tend to suck from it more than give. I know I am capable of what the tests require, however, it requires me to be on my game every test. I started the tests on Monday and had 2 successes and 2 not so great tests. I have to keep reminding myself that I have to take it a test at a time, that God has it in his hands and that whether I get increased funding or not He will provide. Perhaps I would be better off as a high dependent. Tomorrow I have the 6 km test and Saturday will complete the testing with a 2 km piece all on the rowing machine. Usually there would also be a water component but because I am away I am forfeiting those points this round. These last two tests I have felt good about, but I have to keep my mind in the game, as lately that is what is failing faster than my body. When it hurts, I have to push through the wall.
The underlying problem in all of this is my lack of fervor for Christ as of late. I have not lost faith, or my love, but I feel lethargic. I can only guess that it is a quiet time, and with all the stress in life lately I am sure I really do need to just be still and quiet. Maybe I need to listen more for His voice and talk less.
With all I have said above, let me not forget to say I have much to be grateful and joyful about. My mom who has had more than her share of health drama in the last 5 years, has added another event to her list. After a fall on the back patio, she broke her hip and has had a hip replacement. Unfortunately for her, a hip replacement goes from being routine to being high risk due to her medications and health history. It was a little scary for a bit but the Lord prevailed and she came out of surgery with a new hip and with only a few days of concerning issues she leveled out and I have chatted with her on the phone a couple of times. I know my mom has been fighting for a while and I know she is tired but she finds her strength in Christ alone. I want her to continue to see value in her fight and I can only pray that God gives her more energy than she knows what to do with. A miracle is possible and I have faith that it is in motion.
God is good. I know this. God is powerful. God should be feared. And God is on my side or rather I am on His.
(Photo is of my youngest Maple doing what she does best, snuggling, after my erg session)
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