Sing Sing Sing

Is anyone still out there? 
I realize I have taken a long sabbatical from blogging and so I do not expect many readers but I need to do this for myself.
My long hiatus has a lot... or rather everything to do with my Mom's death.  Even writing that is hard because all I want is for her to be a phone call away. 
As many can imagine, or maybe have experienced, life has been hard the last several months, and it is hard to believe that a year will have passed in 4 months.  I miss my mom everyday, and some days I feel her absence more than others.  I feel slightly selfish in admitting this but in my rowing life I feel her absence most.  I did not realize until after our latest trip to Europe for World Cup 3 that she really has been the foundation of my support.  My husband is a great support don't get me wrong, but my mom has been that role my entire life, and she was someone I could talk to about anything and I know she would be praying for me often, especially in her last few years.  It is not until after her death that I feel how strong her prayers were as I feel their absence now. 
Our latest trip to Europe culminating in World Cup 3 was a challenging one.  I struggled emotionally and constantly doubted my ability, dedication and desire for rowing.  I truly missed my mom and wished every moment that I could guarantee that upon my return home she would greet me with arms and smile wide ready to hear of all my adventures and the racing experience. 
It was during this trip and post trip that I see how important it is for me to stay in contact with people.  I have been shutting the world out and burying myself in the work of rowing only to find nothing at the end of the day except for more pain, suppressed tears and lack of motivation to do anything.  So this is what spurred me to write again.  It has been pressing on my heart for a while, but today is the day I start unpacking myself, unloading my baggage and accepting what God has for me in LIFE!
This song by Citizen Way called Sing Sing Sing, was actually the official culprit for my return to living and I have now listened to it about 5 times while writing.

The road is not going to be easy, and as many have said time heals but I also know that God heals. 
I do not know what the future holds for me.  I am not going to World Championships in a traditional role, but potentially as a spare in the event someone is injured, (a humbling experience) but I know God will make clear what HIS plan is, as he always has.  I continue to need prayer for a multitude of things, but the biggest for healing and acceptance.  I will always miss my Mom but I know my support system is greater than just she, I just have to let the change happen.