My inspiration for writing has been fleeting lately and it seems that when I feel inspired I am no where near a computer or journal to write things down. It would be hard to say that is my only reason for not updating this blog, but it is a contributing factor.
A while ago I think I mentioned (or so I had been thinking to mention) that sometimes it is hard to write a blog such as this and then have the dream you were gunning for, slowly fade away. I don't have to please everyone but human response is to think I have let someone down or disappointed those who have been praying and supporting me. My dream is not gone, I am just a little confused over the game plan for my life in rowing. I see glimpses of purpose when I get opportunities to witness to teammates, supporters and other people along my journey but I cannot lie and say that I know what is ahead for me.
So this is another factor in my lack of posts. Not a good one, but a tough one to swallow sometimes. But as I have learned in sport, there are days when you don't feel inspired, you feel beat down and hopeless, and in order to get to the other side, to reach your goal you have to rise above. It is not just enough to go through the motions (although that is what happens often), but to put every ounce you have left into every stroke even if you are only able to work at 50% of your normal 100%.
This week was one like that and I did not always do the best job of rising above. There were days where I spent the energy I should have spent on the oar on thinking about how tired and sore I was. Did you know it takes the same amount of energy to do it right as to do it wrong? But for some reason we like doing it wrong more than right, especially when we are in the pit of despair, hurt and confusion. I am making it my focus in the next few weeks to change my thinking by ditching the self pity and taking on an attitude of strength, courage and that of Philippians 4:13; I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me.
Now, that I have written my motivating self talk for all to read I should probably fill you in on what I am up to and the direction I am headed now.
Upon arriving back in London, after 4 weeks of healing time for my 3rd rib fracture (3rd is a charm...?) I got back on the water. I spent a couple days in the single, easing into rowing again, and then made a big switch to sweep rowing (one oar in my hand). I spent a couple of weeks rowing in a couple of different boats and then this past week made a switch to the opposite side of sweep (there is Port and Starboard) to help fill in some gaps. I am happy to be versatile but it did become a little overwhelming for my body as I found out after I switched back into the single for the last few days. I survived and I will be in the 1x for the next week as we are racing in Welland next weekend for the Development regatta (Sat-Sun, not as important for me as it is for some of the younger ones but still good experience). I am not looking forward to the major ego hit this race will more than likely be, as I have not done much sculling lately and it does take time to reacquaint before going fast, but I will do my best, and it is always good to get a dose of reality sometimes right?
Our little group of 7 is training toward 2 European races; English Henley in London and the HollandBeker regatta in Amsterdam. We are looking forward to it, and hope to have a better idea of what we will be racing as the Olympic group completes their selection in the next week.
Deep down I know God can work a miracle and I could be at the Olympics, but I decided that I need to step back and let Him work the wonder and not me, so I concede to the non Olympic dream this year but I am praying that God will make it clear what the plan is for the next cycle. It is a big decision for Matt and I but we know God will answer prayer and tell me clearly whether to stay or go.
Keep praying, and believing the impossible can happen and in the end we believe that as we may worry about our future, we already know the important part, that this is not home, that our home lies in heaven with Christ. That is our future, and it looks pretty bright :)
Song for the week: Everything and Nothing by Matt Maher
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yEMeRQs4tI
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