New Perspective

Well, my first day at the center was now 2 weeks ago, and I have not written since my initial intro.  Surprise, surprise!  So I will do my best to make two weeks concise in this one post.

Week One:
Most people think of a move as a long and laborious one.  It takes forever for the movers to do their thing and even more to get everything organized on the other end.  Well, my move was quite smooth if we don't look at the amount of time I prepared for the invite to train at the training center.  I finished a week of testing (60', 6k, 2k and some other small tests) hopped on a plane and arrived in my home town where I spent a day or two gathering a few things, then hopped into my car and drove the 2hrs to my new 'home'.  The 3 other rowers I am living with welcomed me and from the day I stepped in the door I have been a part of the family.
Workouts with the team started a day after I arrived and I jumped in with both feet.  I was immediately impressed with how big of a difference it was to have the synergy of a great team.  This weeks focus for me was 1. to fit in with little problems and 2.  take care of myself enough to pull a great 2k time the following Sunday at Canadian indoors.
A bit of background on the 2k; In Canada there is a program put in place to help financially support athletes working toward international competition, actually there are a few, but the one I am referring too we call "carding".  A carded athlete will receive a good portion of money each month, depending on their level of card to help pay for expenses during a time where work is hardly possible.  My situation is that I am at the center on my own dime, or really the dime of investments I have made and the income of my husband who is across the border living his dream to be a helo pilot in the Coast Guard.  This 2k would give me a chance to be considered for one of 4 remaining cards to be given out in March.  Just to put this in perspective there are 12 of us vying for those cards.  Needless to say my focus was very much on that sub 7' erg score.

To keep the story as short as possible, come Canadian indoors I failed to perform at even the level of my prior 2k test a week before. The hardest part was knowing that I COULD do it but that day just was not it for a variety of factors. Immediately following the test, I knew what mistakes I had made, some were things I could control such as taking it a little easier my first week with the team, refueling my body post workouts, and getting into my race plan more decisively and quickly.  But it was not until the drive to my parents place that I started to see things a little differently.  My focus had been so much about the financial aspects of the piece that I had not allowed God to simply do what he wanted to do.  I tried to take over control instead of letting Him do exactly what I had been praying for, and that was for His will to be done, and I won't lie I did ask for that sub 7'.  I now see that God's plan is not in my time it is in His time and to be honest His time tends to work out WAY better than what I had planned.
This does not mean that my drive home was peachy, I felt sick about everything, I knew that my decision to move across the continent was still the right one, but I felt as though I had let God down, as if because I did not hold up my end of the bargain that he would be disappointed.  I know this is foolish but it is what I was feeling, and upon arriving home I quickly started spilling my every thought and emotion about the day to my mom, who as usual listened attentively and lovingly before providing her encouragement and advice.
I left that talk with my mom (which was mainly one sided) feeling more encouraged but still slightly anxious about how the financial aspect of this sub 7' score was going to play out.
It was not until I had hopped into bed to read before closing my eyes for the night that I heard a knock at the door.  I knew immediately who it was, as a fellow coach, and well she was my coach for a time also, had told me she might drop by with something.  I hopped out of bed and ran upstairs to the door in my jammies.  I opened the door to see this coach and her very cute pooch waiting.  I invited them in, as any good person might do when it is freezing and dark out.  We chatted for a bit about some of her training for a charity ride she will be doing this year and her dog, but soon her purpose for her visit was made clear, which left me speechless but not without emotion.  I believe her words as she reached into her pocket were "I just wanted to give you a little something" and as she extended her hand I saw a small folded paper tucked in her hand and she continued to explain how her training alone for her big ride had made her realize the challenges of being alone when training for something so important.  I stood there dumbfounded, and floored.  I really did not know what to say, it took only seconds as she continued to speak for my eyes to well up.  I tried so hard to will them away but I could not help but let the tears fall and probably almost knocked her over with a hug. 
The Lord had provided through a friend and fellow athlete.  Someone who I should have been be giving money to for her charity ride.  To this friend I am truly grateful.  I don't know if she knows exactly the meaning of her gift but it meant more than the numbers on the cheque.
After getting back into bed that night I had an overwhelming sense of calm and assurance that my life was in better hands.  After a prayer to God I fell asleep with no problems and woke up with a new look at my situation.
My new focus is: Train hard, take care of myself, keep focused on what matters and let God take all those in his hands to make the final masterpiece.

Week 2:
This week was a quick one, I have been constantly reminding myself that my preparations for a re-test of the 2k set for Monday are so I can have the best result.  I am not focusing on things that do not matter, but resting on the promises of God.  In the end my goal is to be the fastest at the 2012 Olympics and of course make the standards I need to in order to get me there.  If that means my sub 7 time does not come until after the carding deadline, then so be it.  I will have to have faith that the Lord will provide just as He has thus far.
As for what we did this week; lots of meetings, going over all our testing scores for VO2 max, lactate etc.  and many other things.  I have realized that I need to take care of myself nutritionally as I have been feeling the crash, but mid week I realized that by not spending the money on the things I need to keep me going was not productive in my goal.  So I hung up my qualms about finances and again trust that things will be in place when I need them most.
By mid week I started to feel my body come back to me, and now after our last practice for the week I feel pretty good.  A good afternoon nap and some good food does wonders!  Not to mention getting some vitamins to help deficient areas.
Next week, on Monday I will retest the 2k.  I am confident that my best work will be done, sub 7' or not.  I have confidence that if I put my best into every stroke that the result will be one I have to be proud of.
For now I will enjoy the weekend and rest up for another week of rowing, swimming, biking, x-country skiing (which I can write about another time), Pilates and weights!  Got to love variety!