The RIght side of Wrong

Being an athlete is great.  There are a lot of cool things about it like travel, reaching goals, making gains, meeting new people and going to a job that you truly enjoy (most of the time).  But there is another side of the athlete world that most people do not think about and that is, when you don't make the cut.  When you work so hard, and perhaps even harder than others put still come out a second short.  How do you reconcile that?  How do you move forward?
I hate to say it, and I will admit a little embarrassed to say that I have come out on the short side more than once.  Sometimes it seemed fair, and others not but every time I have had to reassess my life situation, remind or perhaps decide what I really want and then reshape my goals to get back in the game.



My sentiments stem from our latest selection, which was for World Cup 1 and 2.  What it came down to was me and one other athlete in some racing over 2 races on 2 separate days in the priority boat.  I am not going to give to much detail out of respect for my team and program but in the end although making one boat faster I was not the one who made the priority boat faster and hence my change of plans for the summer.
Our coaches do us the courtesy of meeting with the racing athletes post to debrief and give the verdict and after mine I certainly wanted to cry.  I was disappointed in myself, and angry that I once again found myself in the position I was in, just slightly on the right side of wrong, but I would not let myself do it.  Somewhere along the line I have learned to box up emotion and try to move on without dealing with it.  Take my word, it NEVER works.  My husband gets angry for me immediately, and I always defend coaches and whomever else no matter my true feelings (just to clarify I was not angry at anyone but myself), and then a few days later when I am about to explode with stress and fatigue I let it all out.  In this case I just cried, uncontrollably while on the phone with my husband.  In those 20 mins or so, I indiscernably (to Matt) let out a lot of my fears about the journey, and those who have been a part of it.  Things that I did not even know were so rooted in my motivations.  I walked away from that with more respect for my husband, a greater appreciation for what he gives up for me and once again reminded of what UNCONDITIONAL love is.  And my mind was clear to see what the next day could bring.
So, once the tears were out, the emotions dealt with I could move on, and see the opportunities that were laid before me.  My end goal of being at the 2016 Olympics has not changed, but the process that I tried to plan has.  God has it figured out and I need to let him do the organizing and preparing of my mind and body with me. 
The next month while the majority of the team is away, 3 of us will be training hard to build speed in another potential boat and we will race some more "local" events  where our speed will be tested.



The journey is hard.  Being an athlete is less media and sponsorships and more hard work, heartache, and taking small steps toward a big goal.  When you watch the 2016 Olympics there are not only the athletes racing, but upwards of 15 athletes who did not make it through the 4 years of training to get there (more depending on the sport).  These athletes had big goals and dreams, and some chose to move on and others just fell on the right side of wrong.  My advise, when you find yourself in that kind of place (because everyone will at some point) is to remember that you are important and valuable.  You have a purpose and God has a plan for you.  He promises us more than we can ask or imagine all we have to do is listen and then take hold and sooner than later the Right side of Wrong will seem a lot more right!